You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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