my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
