It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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