There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
