they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
