I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
