I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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