i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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