do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize