just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
