guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
