saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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