the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
