he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
