Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
