Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
