omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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