roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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