At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
