white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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