i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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