I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
