So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize