I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
