found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
