He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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