I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
