So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
