she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
