I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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