we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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