Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
