Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
