OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We named our party play list daddy issues
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need to calm my uterus...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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