You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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