My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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