doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
