i would punch a child for taco bell
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
