New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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