I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
