You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
