Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My vagina is officially offended.
The air taste purple.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize