I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
