So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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