saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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