I'm so fucking centered right now
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I party with great urgency now.
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