NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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