If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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