How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
