Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she peed on how many people?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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