This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
