So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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