i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
