i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't deserve a penis
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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