I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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