Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
