apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
