I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
