I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
