i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
