Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A+ Viking dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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