Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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