margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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