if only i could text you this smell
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
