Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
