What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
