i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
