I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found puke in my bra..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
