Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
