meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
