just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
