you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
