I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
